I can't say hello in a happy mood now .
Sry all my friends and readers .
I seriously need some advice or suggestion from you all .
First i really really wanna know this .
Do i have Depression ?
Some of them said that i have depression .
But i'm really scared .
I believe them and i believe myself for just 50% !!!!
Cause i realize sometimes i might do things that me myself don't even know .
I might hurt myself when i don even feel the pain .
Like example , biting my hand till its swallon , bruise or bleed .
I feel better when i see it in this way . :S
I dunno why . But im not crazy !
I will become that way is because sometimes i feel angry , sad or feeling lost .
Angry is when i cant do anything and i only wanna throw out my anger .
Sad is when my heart really aches and i feel like making myself numb .
As for the feeling lost , i seriously have no idea why i become that way sometimes . :S
Not only this example . There are some other example too .
I wouldn't want to describe it cause i'm afraid i might scared all of you .
But its not that scary too cause i'm not crazy . (:
Now the next thing .
I have good and bad things about US .
Bad thing first .
Why must we quarrel everytime when it's near to our monthsary ?
You said there is a minor reason and you even hint me saying that you saw smth .
I ask you what is it and your ans is only ' I'll tell you when i feel like telling '
Since you said its a minor thing thn why cant you say it ?
I seriously dunno what you're thinking and i seriously dunno if you really love me and only have me in your heart .
Sometimes you might do things secretly but you swear to me its for real .
Well , i trusted you . Cause i love you .
I believe if loving each other the most important thing is to have trust .
But everytime after we quarrel , you'll give me your best attitude and changes .
Should i trust you ? I asked myself .
But still i choose to trust cause i love you .
We even had a huge fight till we considering of continuing or not .
You ask me what's my ans .
I always reply with only a ans , ' I will always want to be with you because i really love you alot and i wanna spent my whole time just with you . Till the day you tell me to let go and you have already stop loving me thn i'll force myself to let go . '
Now to the good news . (:
I'm very glad to say that we both are okay now .
And 5 more days will be our 10th monthsary . :D
Am very happy and excited . (: Its really great to have you by my side always . (:
Next year i might be able to go home by your B**E !!!! :D
Yeahyeah ! But if that provides when your free or what uh .
Or else public transport is still needed . (:
So am looking forward to this friday , 10th monthsary and next week countdown . :D
This friday toning with bby . 10th monthsary celebrating at somewhere . Countdown will be TONING AGAIN !!!!! :D
Woohoo !!! I love it man . ! <3
I am able to spent time with bby !!!! <3 <3
So coming back to my post .
Sometimes when i smile or being happy is just trying to cover the unhappiness and sadness in me .
Though i look strong in my outer part but in my heart you'll never know how easily it gets hurt .
Family is part of the problem too . No one will know .
Cause no one will understand me and know what i want .
I don't wanna continue this anymore .
What should be said is already said .
Insya'allah next year i can and must be more stronger , happy and have a smooth year . :D
May peace be upon you guys . (: